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The Brain Drain and What Can Gain by Going against the Grain by Simplifying Life in order to Live more Authentically

 

 

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Image Source: http://img12.deviantart.net/743d/i/2009/186/4/a/evil_internet_by_wanderlust07.jpg

Occasionally, the content online challenges me but generally the Internet has not been very beneficial for myself since I used it as distraction from my problems. Instead of trying to resolve my issue I just decided to hide from my issues by emotionally eating while watching brainless TV. I knew that what I was dong was not healthy but I did not find any healthy coping mechanisms to replace the behaviour nor did I have a barrier to prevent me from compulsively consuming food and media. However, my summer job gave me a much-needed break. Finances prevented me from paying for more data yet it was a blessing in disguise. I realized that I did not need to read inspirational quotes on Facebook or watch cute baby videos on YouTube. I was burnt out from my regular job and was glad to have the summer off, to decompress and refocus my perceptive and outlook on life.

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Image Source: http://www.baselinemag.com/careers/slideshows/workplace-distractions-that-kill-productivity.html

At my summer job, I heard a lot of people complaining about poor management but since my previous manager treated me horribly in the past, my summer job situation did not phase me. I had an outside perspective which helped me and I also had the chance to step back and reflect on my previous employment. I realized how negative I was in the past and that complaining is a waste of time. The bible says to do everything without complaining or arguing and that is a huge challenge for me. I have often heard that worry is like a rocking chair: you go back and forth yet you don’t go anywhere. I equate that truth with whining since complaining and fighting pointless battles does not bring you anywhere.

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Image Source: http://www.quotesvalley.com/happiness-is-an-attitude-18/

I have come to realize that, I need to do something in order to change my situation instead of complaining about it and if change is not possible I need to adjust my attitude so that I do not injure myself with my own anger. I love the Buddha quote that says: anger is like a coal it burns you if you hold on to it. I was able to forgive my family and my boyfriends for hurting me unintentionally and I realized I was only hurting myself by hanging on to that bitterness and resentment. I need to also be able to forgive my coworkers and friends who hurt me so that I can be free of the bitterness and pain from previous negative situations that were out of my control. (After spending 30 years on earth I think I would benefit from counselling since life messes you up but you can learn and grow from the messiness life presents us. I have been avoiding things too long and I need to make my health a priority!)

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Image Source: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/398146423281485927/

There are so many beautiful moments that we miss when we focus on the few terrible encounters that life’s presents us. We can let trials teach us if we are open to that process. I cannot change people’s minds or the dollars on my paycheck but I can be more thankful and I can be kind in order to brighten someone’s day instead of ruining someone’s day because of my bad attitude. I recognize that I need to see the glass half full so that my world can be more beautiful. Yet we also need to guard our heart and chose to control our reactions instead of letting out of control situations take hold of our minds and emotions. It is easier said than done but these are things I need to be mindful of in order to have a brighter future and become a positive influence on the lives of others that I encounter on this journey called life.

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image source: http://www.campmakery.com/content/how-achieve-miraculous-benefits-gratitude

As I look back at the unhealthy habits I have picked up as the Internet became more readily available, I think my laziness was attributed to my low moral. Technology has a way of isolating us when we need each other to survive. We need friends to brainstorm with and professionals to help us. I was venting to my roommate in a really negative way and avoided church since I was too exhausted from work. I was overwhelmed by the adult life responsibilities since I did not feel like cooking after a long day at work and wasted way too much money on takeout. I also, kept on pushing off cleaning up my room since I wanted to pursue escapism through television and receive emotional fulfillment by chatting with my boyfriend and obtain excitement by seeking drama and criticizing others with my roommate. I think my laziness was attributed to my low moral.

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Image Source: http://www.happygoluckyblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Thankful-People-are-the-Happiest.jpg

I should have been happy since I had a fulltime job, an amazing roommate and wonderful boyfriend for the first time in my life but I have come to realize that work and relationships are flighty and my happiness should not be dependent on my job, my friendships or my love life. Initially my roommate and I theorized that we were extremely messy in our previous housing situation since we lived in a very toxic atmosphere but this year we worked in a toxic atmosphere and brought that negativity home by pursuing an unhealthy lifestyle in order to cope. I need to be more mindful of what I expose myself to. I believe that I need to fill my life with goodness so that I can exude greatness and kindness.

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When I was younger, I did not have to worry about cooking or groceries or bills. Life was simpler then.  I did not have to worry about juggling work stress, relationship drama and the demands of maintaining a household. Having freedom with little responsibility made me lazy. Living in a nonjudgmental atmosphere made it feel ok to procrastinate but some have it far worse than me and have become more successful than I since they did not let obstacles overcome them nor did they let distractions get in the way of their goals. I think the internet has made us more self absorbed and less outward focused. My relationships have suffered due to my overconsumption of the media, procrastination and lack of work on my heart issues. I pushed people away due to a fear of getting hurt but I was not really living since I was living in hiding behind a screen. Technology can be a great comfort when faced with adult woe’s but too much of anything can be a bad thing. When I was younger, I would watch movies with my family and use my parent’s computer for school projects and I was happy since I played sports, hung out with friends and enjoyed the simpler things in life. I think I need to go down to the basics and cut down my Internet usage.

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Yes, the Internet is fascinating but very distracting. I realized that I have lost track of my goals since I went off to Internet dreamland to escape from adult life. I also blame the media for my apathy and lack of compassion since I was more focused on trivial things online instead of important world issues. I want to see the big picture and make a bigger impact in this world instead of settling for the mundane and allowing my mind to be controlled by what I consume; instead of educating myself. I realized that I stopped daydreaming after I stopped reading and I stopped dreaming when I was faced with the stark realities of adult life. I realize that I need to keep trying instead of dying inside since you miss 100% of the shots you do not take…

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Image Source: http://adulting.tv/ep/013/

Being an adult is hard, especially when you do not have a helpmate and you have to do everything on your own. I am slightly envious of my parents since I wish I could have someone provide for me financially or cook all my meals for me. I don’t have anyone to do errands for me or help me with laundry. I am financially independent but I do not have anyone to share the load with and I can’t afford to pay for a cook, maid, personal trainer and hairstylist …yet as women I am expected to be fabulous.

Here are some of my favourite lyrics from Jenna Marbles song: “I hate Being a Grown Up”, they are vulgar, yet on pointe:

“Remember when you were a little kid you thought it would I hate being a grown up.” “No seriously where did all these fuckin dishes come from?” “Oh – you just had a baby congratulations. I looked at pictures of cats today””Law school – wow! I’m gonna go get drunk! Cause that’s the only cool thing you can do as a grown up””Mom! My laundry? Help! God damn it, I have to do all these things by myself. Don’t I? Son of a bitch”

Some individuals are simply born lucky. Some women marry rich and never have to worry about money their entire lives but I have more ambition than that. I did not grow up with a silver spoon in my mouth but I did learn the value of hard work. My parents did not pay for everything and I cannot afford to go back to school since I am expected to pay for my post secondary education myself, which is fair. I managed to save some tuition money but I don’t think I can save enough money for room and board when I go to university. Honestly, I would rather work in job that’s rewarding where I am appreciated than be miserable in a job which allows me to save a lot of money for school since my goal is not acheiving materialism. Going to school is a gamble, so is marriage but hard work does pay off. I think love is the hardest challenge of all, so is learning to love and learn from hard situations and smiling in the face of adversity. Statistics make me sad but I should not loose hope! Life is an adventure and I need to see how God can make ugly situations Beautiful.

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I have enough to get by with my current job but not enough to support a family. Due to the current economy not everyone can afford to stay at home with their young children and have to work even if they wish they could be with their babies. There is a lot of pressure on working women know days since they have to hold down a job, be a parent, a wife and also fulfill the role of the housewife while the husband watches TV or hides in the man cave.

Thankfully, my boyfriend is more of an egalitarian like myself but I find that being a woman is hard due to the harsh beauty standards the media places on us. We are considered lesser than as women, if we don’t measure up which is ridiculous since your heart mind soul and strength matters the most; not, the depth of your cleavage and the breath of your behind. Some people do not see the simplicity in this and end up in miserable marriages since money and looks is all that matters and sex is viewed as a commodity unfortunately, instead of something private that should be cherished.

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Image source: https://www.pinterest.com/kserpas2/quotes/

Everyone over romanticizes marriage and kids but I don’t. I realize how lucky I am. I am incredibly selfish and I am happy that I don’t have to be that selfless since I am not married with kids. I am free to follow whatever I fancy without having to think twice. I am very aware about how children take away all your time and freedom. I know marriage is hard and requires a lot of communication and compromise. I am glad that I know what I am getting myself into if I do chose to have a family, since I am older and wiser.

Although, I am slightly envious of my friend’s babies and weddings; I am thankful for my freedom and I need to think seriously about what to do about it since I know that I am not ready for marriage quite yet. I have the privilege of extra time and I need to be a good steward of my time and try to make a difference instead of hiding behind a screen. I realize that, I need to confront my issues (I have many) in order to move forward. I recently found out about a place that offers free counseling in my area and I am also very thankful that I currently do not have any internet since I have more time to journal, blog, pray, workout, study and be more social since my summer job is less mentally and emotionally draining. Change can be amazing!

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Image Source: http://www.chefswidow.com/stories/positive-thinking

Sensitivity can be a gift but it can also be our downfall or it can be our demise, depending on how we chose approach life, as naturally more emotive people. I need to start preparing myself for when I return to regular work and try not let snide comments and a lack of openness at work, affect my happiness and productivity at work and at home but instead, I want to try celebrate the small successes and seek out those positive stress relievers instead of venting and binging. I think scaling back my Internet consumption will be challenging yet worthwhile since I know it will make me a better person. The Internet is a wealth of information but is like an abyss that you can easily be lost in. The information I seek is not healthy since the purpose is to entertain and not educate but escape instead of trying to heal by addressing those difficult issues.

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Image Source: http://www.healthybalancefitness.com.au/category/moderation-movement/

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Why We Need to Stop Cheating on God With Our Boyfriends

During multiple times in my life I became attached to the men that I dated but I realized that I had committed spiritual adultery since I expected a guy to fulfill my needs and not God. I read in a woman’s devotional how lust can be like a drug once you have a taste you keep on coming back for more but are never truly satisfy. I realized that only God’s love can truly satisfy and Only God can make me complete. John 7:37-38 says that if I am thirsty I can come to Jesus and drink and if I believe in Him streams of living waters will flow from my innermost being! Jesus said those words to a woman who had many men in her life… One time I spoke with a Godly woman from my old church and her love for God inspired me to focus on my relationship with God and seek His approval and not man’s approval. God’s love just filled my heart and I just felt so free since I rededicated my life to serving Christ on a deeper level. After this women shared about how she loved her family but she missed how she could give God all her love and energy when she was single. Her story reminded me of that passion for God that I once had and she inspired me to be single and pursue God wholeheartedly.

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(Source: http://bhavanajagat.com/2013/11/09/wholedude-wholedesigner-spirit/  )

I rededicated my life to Christ multiple times after being distracted by the guys I dated. I loved God but I had a weakness for kissing and cute boys. I came to many realizations about Christ through my dating life. I realized that I was bought at a price and I need to pursue God’s desires and not my own desires. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 says: “Ye are not your own: for ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s. When my summer romances ended I would bawl my eyes out because I grew attached to those men but I knew that my relationship with God was more important. The men I dated showed interest in God but I was too young and career driven at the time to pursue those relationships seriously. I was wise enough to realize that I was starving for attention and compromised my values since I was blinded by infatuation. The heartbreak that I faced really scared me since I kept repeating the same mistakes when it came to love.

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During my time with YWAM I learned a ton about God and relationships and God really helped heal my heart at YWAM Dunham. I learned it is essential to make it a priority to spend time with God because when I neglected those times I was grumpy and hurt others. I learned that during my quiet times it is key to check my heart. What really resounded with me during my time with YWAM is that Forgiveness is the antiseptic to all wounds.

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I had an opportunity to talk with one of the speakers at my school, which proved to be quite useful since it was very eye opening for me. I told the lady a bit of my story and I was told how God understands me. It even says in the bible that Words are like arrows and the speaker told me that if my earthy father was perfect he would of taken my mother aside and say in love: “you should not say those things to Sandra”. Even thought I felt unnoticed in my family what I have to say is important. As an adult child of God cut ties affirmation family receive affirmation from God.

I learned that I bent in towards men for affirmation since I did not receive much from my family. I learned that, when I tried to let men that fill the empty space then I was disappointed and bent towards food and started emotionally eating to numb the pain. I need to stand tall and depend on God and not bend one way or another but let God take all the space since only he can truly satisfy.

As an Adult child of God I can cut the ties affirmation from my family and receive all the affirmation I need from God. I prayed with the speaker and asked God to cut the emotional ties that I had with my EX and the ties I had with my family and allow God to take all the space in my life and surrender all and depend on him not on boys or emotional eating but keep my eyes fixed on God. I learned from one of our leaders in New York was to see things through Gods eyes… to see beyond the dirt and filth and treat a homeless guy like any other person.

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On my mission trip I was able to see past the garbage and harshness and see the beauty of the country and the people. I was able to hold onto the good and see past the bad and my heart just so filled with love for Asia. I learned the best way to reach people is through relationships. I realized how important it is to invest in people and relationships. I am still learning to build relationships and to be willing to be vulnerable and put my heart on the line and not hide. If do hide; I will miss getting to know awesome people if I close myself in. I learned I need to spend time with God first and then he will give me the energy I need to spend time with people and to love. As an introvert I need my alone time & I am still learning to rely on God and not myself and open up my heart to him.

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During my missions trip I learned God wants me to be uncomfortable so I can totally rely on him, I learned to go beyond myself not complain but chose the right attitude, I learned to listen first and not respond with my emotions and freak out, accept criticism not take it personally. It was challenging having to be submissive and die to self, receiving criticism well and also struggling with lies and trying to see the truth. What I could have improved was going the extra mile when I was tired and exhausted and take the initiative and not wait for someone else to take care of things but to put others first. What God taught me was to totally rely on him, to be willing to be uncomfortable and depend entirely on him. He also taught me about His Love for the people.

 

One thing that stood out to me at my Discipleship training school was how they highlighted the importance of perusing Gods Kingdom above everything and the speaker was asking us if Gods kingdom is more important than our jobs or our relationships. I wish I listened to the lecture more carefully since I thought my job and relationships where my identity but when those things failed I realized that God is what gives me a sense of identity. After trying to do things my way and falling on my face. I learned that God is what keeps me steady in the storms of life. I realized that God is all I need and it does not matter what my job status or relationship status is. What matters is your value in Gods eyes and you are precious! I went on a date with God after my mission’s trop and he was showing me how the waters ahead will be white and that I should be exited for the adventure ahead with the reassurance that I just need to hold his hand and jump in and go all the way for Christ.

 

YWAM changed my life and I really held on to those truths in my life but Boys and Booze where not a good combination for me when I was enjoying high heels and having for the first time in my life. I got heartbroken again and blindsided by love. God humbled me during a really tough time in my life when I was jobless and boyfreindless. One of my friends from YWAM reminded me that Jobs and boys come and go but God is forever. She really encouraged me and made me thankful for my family and friends even though my jobs and relationships where unreliable.

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Even though I knew my summer love was over I continued communicating with my lover since feelings remained. I was not in a healthy place because I was trying to move on yet emotional ties remained and I was not ready to remove them yet. I felt terrible since I knew that I was leading this guy on but I knew that the relationship was over. I was miserable since I missed being in a relationship and I was extremely lonely since my relationship with God was not in a good place and I was working away from, family, friends and my home church. I was extremely vulnerable during this time but God got a hold of me thankfully.

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I realized that we were both looking for love in the wrong places and I failed to look to God and point my ex to God as well. After bawling my eye’s out over this guy because I knew it was over, I recommitted my life to God, I gave him everything. One week later I get a call from the YWAM director asking if I should volunteer at the place that I did my missionary training at. I knew that I had to give God everything for him to use me. During my time at Dunham I received a lot of healing. There were a few hiccups on the way and it has been a difficult journey but I am elated to be where I am right now since I have learned so much & I am continually falling in love with God<3!

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I was thinking how as a Christian I need to love and forgive but Operas words reminded me that I cannot be friends with an ex who treated me with disrespect since that is not how friends treat each other… My girlfriends counselor once said, you can only be friends with a guy if you both are not attracted to each other and I still have feeling for him so I knew it was wise to keep my distance from my ex since the feelings remained yet I knew that I could deserve better. It was a struggle but I can assure you time does heal all wounds and you will be able to love again if you let Jesus be your best friend and mend those nasty scars of heart ache. I believe insecurity was my demise since it made me dependent, devalue my worth and become jealous. I need to remember to see myself the way God sees me and remember how confidence is sexy.

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As I reflect on what I learned in the past, I recognize that I need to continually go back to God and let him heal me so that I can love others. I recognize that I have intimacy issues and I have trouble opening up but even though I am an introvert I thrive when I surround myself with the positive people in my life. I also recognized how it is important to get out of bed and not sleep in and go to church for fellowship and encouragement and help spur on others in the faith I also learned the beauty of having friends that I am willing to bounce my thoughts off of and learn about myself and learn from them and I am so thankful for them and for the beauty of friendship. Its awesome that I am not alone in my struggles and I am thankful for my friends and family that have supported my during this journey called life. I used to be ashamed of my failures since I was no longer the perfect little Christian girl but I was eventually overwhelmed by God’s grace when I let God in my closed off and guarded heart. I though I would share my story since it may inspire other to see the beauty of God’s love and how you don’t have to have it all together. Your simply need to be willing to surrender your heart so that he can transform your life for the better. Being a Christian is a struggle but it wonderful since it is a challenge and exciting and sometimes scary but God’s love, joy and peace continues to overwhelm me amongst the chaos of life.

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While chatting with my girlfriends, I recognized how repentance is so freeing since I will struggle with guilt if I continue to rationalize my sexual sin and I need to ask God to cut not only the emotional ties but also the sexual ties and recognize that healing does not happen overnight but that it is a journey. I suppose I was at my best when I was confident and independent but I let pride get in the way and forgot to be dependent on God for strength and give my whole heart to Christ. I also learned the importance of spiritual discipline in order to keep following Christ desires and not my own.

 

 

 

Why Men Love Bitches

(Disclaimer: I do not own this excellent idea or the quotes below)

After reading Sherry Argov’s controversially title book: I learned to grow a spine and realized that bad boys are not the way to go and my life was changed forever. I recommend that my girlfriends read: “Why Men Love Bitches: From Doormat to Dreamgirl – A Woman’s Guide to Holding Her Own in a Relationship. “

I complied a series of quotes from the book which really resonated with me. (Source: http://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/2572759-why-men-love-bitches-from-doormat-to-dreamgirl—a-woman-s-guide-to-hol)

I covered the premise of the story, and subjects like: confidence, communication, control and the conlcusion of this book in this series of quotes from the book: “Why Men Love Bitches”.

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Premise:

“When a woman is secure with herself, she isn’t afraid to define herself and defy public opinion. She has her own look. Her own style. Her own charisma. Her own brand of charm. A man wants something he doesn’t see every day. Not in terms of a redhead versus a blonde. He wants the rare woman who can think for herself.”

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“The most attractive quality of all is dignity.”

“A beautiful woman can make herself

look ugly in the eyes of a man if she is very insecure.”

“Most women are starving to receive something from a man that they need to give to themselves”

“If you allow your rhythm to be interrupted, you’ll create a void. Then to replace what you give up, you’ll start to expect and need more from your partner.”

“Regardless of how pretty a woman is, looks alone will not sustain his respect. Appearance may pull him in, but it is your independence that will keep him turned on.”

“Success in love isn’t about looks, it’s about attitude.”

“when a woman is too nice and will jump through hoops: It invites bad behavior.”

“The nice girl loses an important protective mechanism when she assumes that life is fair, or that Prince Charming will always protect her. The smart fox is not governed by wishful thinking or the hope of a fantasy outcome, like Cinderella. Despite appearances, she trusts herself to watch her OWN back instead of giving a man the responsibility of doing it for her.”

“When you meet someone who is truly great, he makes you believe you can be great, too. This is the kind of relationship you want, and it’s the only kind of relationship worth having.”

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Confidence:

“It is your attitude about yourself that a man will adopt.”

“When you live life with him or without him, that is when he will accept and value you for who you are.”

“Certainly, the average fashion magazine gives women ridiculous relationship advice that makes it easy to understand why women are so eager to overcompensate: “Play hard to get, then cook him a four-course meal … bake him Valentine’s cookies with exotic sprinkles shipped from Malaysia (just like Martha Stewart). Don’t forget the little doilies and the organic strawberries that you drove two hours to get. Then serve it all to him on the second date, wearing a black lace nightie.” And what is this a recipe for? Disaster.”

“The more independent you are of him, the more interested he will be.” He must feel that you choose to be with him, not that you need to be with him.”

“Men don’t respond to words. What they respond to is “no contact”.”

“Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and a woman isn’t.”

“if the sex was too easy to get, it was not that great.”

“She doesn’t realize that she becomes so involved in him that she loses herself, and in the process, she risks losing him as well.”

“Don’t let the advertisements on TV be your guide. The woman who sustains a man’s interest is not the one who feels confident because of a particular miniskirt, a belly ring, or a black dress with plunging neckline. A bitch doesn’t rely on these things to feel good about herself. She relies on who she is as a woman.”

“It isn’t about looks; gorgeous women get dumped every day.”

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“One

man’s “ugly” is another man’s “beautiful.”

“Sex appeal is 50% what you’ve got, and 50% what people think you’ve got.” —SOPHIA LOREN”

“He should accept me as I am!” says the woman who is too nice.

Accept you? Oh no, sister. Slap yourself. He should want you

madly. Acceptance has nothing to do with it. He accepts a

doormat. But he desires his dreamgirl.”

“The bitch does not stop moving to her own rhythm. This, in and of itself, prevents her from becoming off-balance like a nice girl who abandons her routine.”

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“The bitch isn’t afraid to be different, which is why she won’t be a “booty call” or a pearl on a long string of pearls. She won’t be a man’s late-night convenience. She won’t be doing lap dances. She won’t be afraid to turn thirty or forty years old. At any age, this woman will feel like a “prize.” She won’t be defined by the media’s perception of aging; she won’t be made to feel like detective livestock because she is no longer a teenager. Married, single, or divorced, this woman feels good about herself.”

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Communication:

“Always give the appearance that he has plenty of space. It gets him to drop his guard.”

“Men control the world, but women control the men.”

“You can get away with saying much more with humor than you can with a straight face”

“When you nag, you become the problem, an he deals with it by turning you out, but when you dont nag, he deals with the problem.”

“If you can’t convince ’em, confuse ’em.”

“correcting the situation or by not allowing the person to have access to you.”

“Because of his hormones, he only has three emotions: crabby, hungry, horny.”

“It’s true that men say, “A man’s love comes from his stomach”. But there’s nothing in this statement that requires you to cook the food before it ends up in his stomach.”

“When you tell a man how you feel, most of the time he doesn’t understand what you’re talking about. You’ll probably just confuse and frustrate him.”

“Keeping it short and to the point is essential, otherwise he won’t hear a single word.”

“Expressing yourself when he takes for granted doesn’t work.”

“Forcing him to talk about feelings all the time will not only make you seem needy, it will eventually make him lose respect. And when he loses respect, he’ll pay even less attention to your feelings.”

“position without nagging or repeating yourself several times. If he asks, “Is something wrong?” take a breath and respond calmly. “Yes, something is wrong, but I’d like to talk about it later. I really don’t want to talk about it now.”

“Expressing your feelings constantly is like pleading. It comes across as needy rather than dignified.”

“He perceives an emotional woman as more of a pushover.”

“If you appear weak, people take advantage of you.”

“If you want to control your emotions, you have to control your thoughts.”

“Standing up for yourself doesn’t always involve verbal confrontation. Sometimes it’s about not wasting energy on people who are negative.”

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Control:

“Instead of working so hard to please him, work harder to please yourself…because ultimately, this is what will truly please him.”

“If she’s too predictable because you talk about the relationship all the time instead of going out and having one, he’ll get bored quickly.”

“It is important to be able to do stuff alone and not have her give you a hard time about it.”

“If you smother him, he’ll go into defense mode and look for an escape route to protect his freedom.”

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“when something is right, it will feel easier and much more effortless”

“In a relationship of any kind, if one person feels the other person isn’t bringing anything to the table, he or she will begin to disrespect that person.”

“It becomes a burden if you lean on him too much. He is only human, and he has his own problems. Show him that you’ll be an equal partner, which means that you also have something to contribute.”

“If you are nice, but you give of yourself with strings attached, the

demand for reciprocity will send him several steps backward.”

“He’ll do what you like just long enough to get what he wants.”

“Whenever a woman requires too many things from a man, he’ll resent it. Let him give what he wants to give freely; then observe who he is.”

“When a woman acts as though she’s capable of everything, she gets stuck doing everything.”

“The woman who is too nice senses that he “needs her” and she runs to his aid like a Red Cross rescue missionary. And she gives—blindly.”

When a nice girl overcompensates,

her behavior says, “What I have to offer isn’t enough,

and who I am isn’t enough.”

Truly powerful people don’t explain why they want respect. They simply don’t engage someone who doesn’t give it to them.”

“For a woman the objective is often a committed relationship also known as the destination. For a men roadtrip on the way to the destination is often the more fun.”

“Talking about feelings to a man will feel like work. When he’s with a woman, he wants it to feel like fun.”

“The nice girl makes the mistake of being available all the time.”

“If a man has to wait before he sleeps with a woman, he’ll not only perceive her as more beautiful, he’ll also take time to appreciate who she is.”

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“If you chase him in a black nightie, first he’ll have sex with you . . .

and then he’ll run.”

“She knows what she wants but won’t compromise herself to get it. But she’s feminine, like “Steel Magnolia” — flowery on the outside, steel on the inside. She uses this very femininity to her own advantage. It isn’t that she takes undue advantage of men, because she plays fair. She has one thing the nice girl doesn’t: a presence of mind because she isn’t swept away by a romantic fantasy. This presence of mind enables her to wield her power when it is necessary.”

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Consequences:

“There is no way to hold your own in a relationship and simultaneously accept rude behavior.”

“One of the things women have to get out of their mindset is the notion of what a bitch is. A bitch is nice. She’s sweet as a Georgia peach. She smiles and she is feminine. She just doesn’t make decisions based on the fear of losing a man.”

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“Many women are so gripped with fear over the loss of a man that they think of him constantly.”

“If he still isn’t giving you what you want, the question to ask yourself is whether you really want him.”

“If a relationship is on-and-off within the first year, that’s an immediate sign you are wasting your time.”

UncondiTional love is a beauTiful Thing. JusT be sure To

give iT after your conditions have been meT :P”

“Many people lack the basic equipment to be in a relationship and there’s nothing you can do to change it. You can’t take a skunk and dip it in perfume and hope it becomes a puppy. Eventually, the perfume will wear off and you’ll still have a skunk on your hands.”

“Familiarity breeds contempt and predictability breeds boredom.”

“It isn’t about the looks; gorgeous women get dumped every day. It isn’t about intelligence. Women of all types, from brilliant women to women with the IQ equivalent of plant life, pull it off every day. It’s about mystery and learning how to create intrigue.”

“People use the excuse of money, time, being away from the kids to stop being intimate or romantic. It’s really important to keep the passion.”

“If a man isn’t being nice when you’re out, all you have to do is remain polite and then go home early.”

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“The best advice I ever heard is, don’t take anyone else’s advice.” There’s power in this because it puts you in the conductor’s seat, right at “the controls” in your life. It doesn’t mean you should stop seeking information or outside input, it just means that you’re the one driving. You choose your own destination.”

“The bitch is an empowered woman who derives tremendous strength from the ability to be an independent thinker, particularly in a world that still teaches women how to be self-abnegating. This woman doesn’t live someone else’s standards, only her own.”

“Be an independent thinker at all times, and ignore anyone who attempts to define you in a limiting way.”

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Conclusion:

“The bitch is very nice. She is as sweet as a Georgia peach. But inside every sweet peach is a strong pit. And this means she won’t explain the obvious when a man is disrespectful.”

“A girlfriend went on a couple of dates with a guy who criticized the color of her nail polish. She said, “The suggestion department is closed for the evening, but fax your idea tomorrow and we’ll file it right over there in the suggestion box.” (Then she pointed to the kitchen trash.)”

“A dreamgirl, on the other hand, won’t kill herself to impress anyone.”

“Bitch (noun): A woman who won’t bang her head against the wall obsessing over someone else’s opinion – be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it’s just one person’s opinion; therefore, it’s of no real importance. She doesn’t try to live up to anyone else’s standards – only her own. Because of this, she relates to a man very differently.”

“That’s the big picture, your happiness. And health. You should never care what a man thinks of you — until he demonstrates to you that he cares about making you happy. If he isn’t trying to make you happy, then send him back from “whence” he came because winning him over will have no benefit. At the end of the day, happiness, joy…and yes…your emotional stability…those comprise the only measuring stick you really need to have.”

“When it comes to believing in yourself, put your eye on the mark and don’t blink. If you have a goal, a dream, or an aspiration…believe in yourself while you are on the way to your destination, and you will have already arrived.”

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“It’s that a bit of irreverence is necessary to have any self-esteem at all. Not irreverence for people, but rather, for what other people think.”“Live by your own rules Move to your rhythm, instead of dancing to the beat of someone else’s drum Decide how you want to be treated Choose what you will or will not tolerate Leave if you don’t get what you want.”

 

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Reflections on the Past as I Look Forward

What I learned in the past decade. This is a bit of a rabbit trail but food for thought ❤ 

So, I watched horrible movie, “Rory and Michelle’s High School Reunion” but it made me reflect. I does not look like I accomplished a lot on paper but I have come a long way and I just want to share a bit of my journey to encourage those who are struggling in their twenties and share a message of hope. Yes, the economy sucks and people are not retiring but if you work hard and keep trying I can assure you that you will get there. I became more realistic about work and relationship and didn’t get what I initially wanted but I am very happy with whom I am dating and what I am doing.

After much reflection about the past decade, I wrote a 5-page memoir where I touch on the following 5 points:

  1. Finding My Vocation Via Volunteering
  2. My Sabbatical and Delayed Experimental Phase
  3. How YWAM & Traveling helped heal my Heart
  4. How I got were I am today & the sacrifices I made
  5. Terrifying Transitions and Hope for the Future

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1. Finding My Vocation Via Volunteering

Initially, I wanted to become a nurse so I took some high school upgrading classes but I also had to complete 30 volunteer hours in order to be eligible for the mature student status in college since I transferred from another province. While, I was waiting in line for biology class, I saw a tall, attractive young woman walking down the halls with a student with a developmental disability of some kind. I was curious and eventually mustered up the courage to ask this woman some questions. So, I asked this woman about her class and asked if they needed volunteers and they did! And that is how I found out about my current career since I needed some volunteer hours to get my mature student certificate for college. (I graduated from High School in Quebec and wanted to go to college in Ontario.) So, I volunteered in the not so politically correct, Developmentally Handicapped unit at the High School I was doing upgrading at for college. I found the work to be very rewarding and initially I thought the job was “easy” but boy was I wrong! I even volunteered as a lifeguard at their end of the year party for the students in the class that that I volunteered at, which was lovely.

One woman who worked as an E.A (Educational Assistant) in the class, used to be a nurse but after she got separated she decided to become an E.A in order to have more time for her family. She also mentioned that the hardest part is to see medically fragile students pass away and she also said that she would not consider doing the same job in her 50’s and 60’s since it is physically demanding. I saw how amazing the job was and inquired about the educational requirements. After going to the job fair at the college that I attended I decided to take one of the required program in order to be an E.A or in a similar field.

After college, I got a series of part time contracts while I loved at home. These contracts provided me with excellent work experience but also the ability to travel since I was not tied down to a particular job. At the age of 23 a got to work with a fabulous team and was offered a permanent part time position at a high school which I declined since I felt that I was too young for that job and I wanted to take a sabbatical before I got serious about work.

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  1. My Sabbatical and Delayed Experimental Phase

I was not worried about finding work after my sabbatical since I knew that I was good at my job and that I would find work after and I wanted to explore my options before settling down. So, I decided to work full-time for the military for a year in order to save money for school. (I randomly decided to join the military in order to pay my was through college & I never considered joining the forces but my girlfriend from high school convinced me that the military reserves would be fun. So, I agreed to join the military and go to boot camp since I wanted a more challenging summer job. As a result my faith, thoughts on dating, sex, dancing and drinking was challenged after gowing up in a traditional chritian home where my mom was a homaker. Although my time in the military was hard it helped me grow a thicker skin  and become more independent and aware.

Although, I was tempted to take the high school E.A job I knew in my heart that I was not ready for that responsibility at such a young age since I was still in my early twenties. I decided to follow my dads advice and further my military career since he told me I may not be able to have this opportunity to work for the military and save money when I have more responsibilities later on in life. My dad was right but so were my Christian roommates from basic training. These two lovely ladies reminded my how the military can be emotional and physically demanding and that I need to keep my priorities straight since working for the military would really test my faith and it did. But I am glad I did since I took my faith for granted and the military provided me with an opportunity to grow since I was able to really question my faith and decide for myself what I truly believe.

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  1. How YWAM & Traveling helped heal my Heart

After my time in the military, I came back jaded, heartbroken and emotionally bruised but also a lot wiser. I knew the military was not for me and I wanted to work in a place where healthy relationships and healthy lifestyles are encouraged. I found the military was a breeding ground for alcoholics where polygamy was accepted and where woman are constantly disrespected. After I finished working for the military full time I just needed to take a break to get my head straight. I grew up in an over sheltered home and was overwhelmed by what I just experienced in the real world… I was given an opportunity to volunteer at YWAM where I did my missions training and I took that chance since that place wreaked my for life… in a good way!

When my sister decided not to be a Christian I cried my eyes out and decided to join YWAM and learn more about the bible and missions. I was praying about the possibility of going to YWAM and then my mother interrupted me and asked me to peel the potatoes which was annoying because I didn’t want to and a still small voice asked me, God: “Sandra, do you love me?” I said yes then God told me to the potatoes and I learned even more about selfless love at YWAM. My first time at YWAM helped me get over my first love and forgive my family, traveling to Europe to visit my friends from YWAM helped me got over my first heartbreak and fall in love with God again and my second time at YWAM helped me get over my first heartache helped me get a new sense of direction for my life after losing my faith and regaining it.

I volunteered for a few months at YWAM since I needed time to heal and get my priorities straight after working full-time for the military. I was willing to go on missions, go back to school or go back to work. I realized that the market place is a place of ministry and that I don’t have to be a missionary in order to prove my love for God. I decided to return to the civilian workforce since I loved working in education in the past and decided to continue to pursue that passion since I did not receive any peace or clarity yet regarding university.

I did realize that the military is a huge mission field but I did not feel called to work there full time even though I do have a heart for all those walking wounded people who emotionally abuse others due to past hurts. I was able to heal and have compassion for theses people but could not continue working in such a toxic environment full-time yet I am thankful for the beautiful friendships, which blossomed, through my time in the military.

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  1. How I got were I am today & the sacrifices I made

3 Years ago, I did not know that I would be here today. I took a leap of faith and returned to the civilian workforce after a wonderful sabbatical. I had to sublet, rent rooms, live off half my salary and use up a lot of my savings to get where I am today. I had to buy a car instead of a bike in order to work enough hours in the job that I trained for in school. I had to juggle 3 jobs and eat my lunch in my car for a year but for the first time in my career I actually have a full-time, permanent position at the beginning of the school year, which is a huge relief!

I initially, had to move back in with my parents for a short time after my sabbatical. During that time, I would scour the job bards and felt led by the Spirit late one evening to check the job board again one last time. Late at night, I responded to a job posting at my current location. I n the beginning, I worked at my current location to fill an emergency position for as short period of time. At the end of the year, when the sun was shining, I stayed indoors for countless hours & I applied for over twenty jobs and tailored my resume to each type of job posting. I only got two callbacks but one call back hired me and my supervisor at my previous emergency position gave me an excellent recommendation. I was thankful for stable part time work but I decided to print my resume to hand out to other locations in order to get more work. For some odd reason, the printer did not work and it must have been a sign from God. After struggling to print my résumé, my current roommate randomly texted me saying that she turned down a job offer where I filled an emergency position last year. I immediately contacting my former employer since she had an afternoon position available and I already had a position in the morning.

My current roommate had to turn down the job since she could not afford to work part time and would rather work on call in order to get full-time work. I felt like I took my friends sloppy seconds by taking the part time contract that my friend refused but the afternoon position that I accepted turned into a permanent position. I did have to interview for the permanent job and worked hard on making sure my notes and portfolio was up to par and paid a lot so that my makeup and hair was perfect and all that effort was worth it since I got the job. At the end of the year, my morning position turned into a permanent position as well and I did have to go through the whole interview process again but thankfully I got the job. I was relieved to know where I was working the next year even though I had to drive across the city on my lunch hour between two schools in order to work full-time in my field.

Juggling the two schools became much easier the following year since I was more familiar with the staff and how things worked at each location. In the late fall a new position opened up at my afternoon position and I was able to transfer to one location since I already had full-time status. I was really torn about leaving my morning position since the administration was stellar and it was a very positive work environment. However, I did tell my employer that I did not want to leave but that I could not turn down a full-time position and told her that that I would love to return if a full-time position did arise. I was glad that I accepted the full-time position since I was less stressed from commuting and I actually had time for my lunch. Although my full-time position was more challenging it is much more rewarding since I was never bored and I knew that I am making a difference.

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  1. Terrifying Transitions and Hope for the Future

Due to the fact, that I worked on contract before obtaining my permanent status at my former school this helped me obtain more seniority and provided me with more eligibility for full-time positions for the following year. Since I am a relatively new employee, I was placed on a surplus list at the end of the year and I recently had to choose between a full-time job at a new location or a part time job at my old school which required me to commute during my lunch hour in order to work an other location in the afternoon.

Although, I will miss everyone at my current location I decided to move to a new school since I had to eat my lunch in my car for a year and that is not something that I wish to repeat. Driving in the winter was a nightmare and I even had to get my car detailed since I had lot of food flying in my car as I was driving! I am transferring to a new location in the fall, which is terrifying yet exhilarating since I have learned how change is good since it prevents your zest for life from going stagnant. I learned through YWAM & that military that it its possible to make friends literally anywhere and that wherever you go there will be people who inspire me or challenge me to be a better person by testing my character.

Although university is on my bucket list, I am glad that I took the college route since there were more job opportunities available and I was actually able to work in my field of study. Yes, the economy is not great and people are not retiring but if you work your butt off you will get there. I had to work 14 hour days when working for the military when I was on my sabbatical and I was able to save enough money to buy a car which helped me access my current job more readily. The reality is that you will have to work multiple jobs to pay the bills and work extremely hard in order to succeed.

I came to a point in my life that I no longer wanted to live a home and I wanted to be an independent woman but unfortunately the majority of the job positing that I applied for where not full-time. I was not a stay at home mom that could afford to work part time nor did I have any desire to live in my parent’s basement so I did have to make sacrifices. Although my current job pays next to nothing, I am really happy. When I worked for the military full-time it taught me that having a reasonable work schedule and kind co-workers and a rewarding job or more important than a fat check. Yes my current job can be extremely stressful but those challenge that I faced helped me grow and become a better person and identify solutions through prayer after wanting to pull out my hair…

All-in all I do enjoy my job and I think that it is more important to be content and have just enough money than be unhappy and have too much money. As a single lady, I choose to work two jobs and work in the summertime since I can’t survive on E.I and I like the idea of being able to save a little and being able to afford an emergency fund. I was always one of those boring kids that would put her birthday money in the bank but it paid off when I had major purchases to make later on in the game. When I was younger I was taught to budget for the unexpected and I am glad that my parents pushed me out of the nest and forced me to grow up since they taught me how to grow up instead of babying me and bailing me out.

Initially, I was mad when I was expected to pay for my clothes, tuition and bus pass after high school but I they taught me the value of hard work since I had crap jobs which motivated me to go back to school and do well in school because I was paying for my schooling. My grandmother worked in a bank and was really wise since she raised a family and worked full-time. On my 16th birthday, My grandmother gave me a keychain and a red toy sports car and my heart started to race when I opened the note that was enclosed since I thought that she bought me a sports car but she gave me an even better gift: the gift of wisdom. On the note, she wrote something along the lines of this “if you want a car as nice as this one then you need to work hard for it.” I know that I got other gifts as a kid but I will always remember that gift.

After, having some peace of mind about job security I realized that I did far to much overtime and that it was not healthy since I neglected my hobbies and I realize that God can use my hobbies to reach people but also be more at peace with myself by becoming a more well rounded person. I started a new job and got a new boyfriend in the past year which took all my time but the next year I learned to put myself first and recognize how my friendships, exercise and prayer invigorates me! I am still learning how to navigate a balanced lifestyle since being a financially independent woman is not easy since I have to hold my own but I am really happy. I have a lovely roommate, a slightly more stable job situation an amazing boyfriends and fantastic friends. I so grateful for all those who have supported me over the years!

I also am learning to see greatness in thankfulness and how your attitude can totally transform your actions. I am content knowing that I have impacted people’s lives for the best. I have no clue what is next but I am excited about the adventures ahead and I am extremely thankful for all those who continue to surround me with positivity. I really do not know if university, travel, family or buying a house is next for me. I could a get a job with better or pay or find a more spiritually minded boyfriend online but I don’t want to look elsewhere since I am satisfied with my life right know. That does not mean that I do not wan to continue to learn and grow. I am simply learning to be content with the little things since they can turn into great things! The last ten years went by so fast and I am learning to slow down and say no to things and no my limits. I have learned to surround myself with those who inspire me to be better, to love the unlovable but also limit my contact with those who choose to drag me down and be selective with whom I am vulnerable with and open up to… I still have many struggles yet all things are possible with God on my side.

Thanks for reading. I hope that you found this somewhat encouraging.  I am eternally grateful for the love and support that I received from my freinds and family. On the flip side,  I am also thankful fro the lessons that my enemies taught me and for the lessons I learned through my failures since that hardship and heartache ultmately made be a stronger and more compassionate person in the end…

My thoughts on Religion in Images…

 

I must admit, I am a bit of a closeted hippy inside… ❤

 

2hateisnotholyEveryone has a different perspective wich can be positive or negative. I chose to focus on what is beautiful instead of what some christians and atheist think about Islam and Christianity… I like to see how we can find good morals in every religion but unfortunately some twist the scriptures from Holy texts for their own selfish gain in potentially destructive ways…
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I love the words below…. 🙂5lovethyneighborsmaller 6goodolewoody 7friendlyatheist

“It’s easy enough to preach morality on a full belly.” ERWIN SYLVANUS

8realityperceptions 9candiesandcrunches 10ldsprintables 11irreligion1 12animulinstinktinstagramThe reality is that we all gravitate twards different genera’s and sub categories in order to obtain a sense of belonging. I feel like an odd-ball in two camps since I am a more liberal minded christian… The reality is that, friction between different groups will always exist but we can be the change that we want to see… We cannot always control our situations but but we cant chose our reactions. We can chose to love instead of hate and forgive instead of harbouring resentment. I believe that we should not enforce our beliefs on others but instead accept the differences of others.
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World War 2 was not the war to end all wars but we can all try to persue peace in our personal lives.   I love God but hate religion because of the way it is twisted but Jesus does give me peace. I admire my freinds of other faiths and choose to see beauty in diversity instead of what divides us.
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Beauty, Perfection and other Persuits :)

A brilliant, young christian artist that I admire very much; just blew my mind recently, when she cited Song of Songs 7, using the English Standard Version bible.

How beautiful are your feet in sandals,
O noble daughter!
Your rounded thighs are like jewels,
the work of a master hand.
2Your navel is a rounded bowl
that never lacks mixed wine.
Your belly is a heap of wheat,
encircled with lilies.
3Your two breasts are like two fawns,
twins of a gazelle.
4Your neck is like an ivory tower.
Your eyes are pools in Heshbon,
by the gate of Bath-rabbim.
Your nose is like a tower of Lebanon,
which looks toward Damascus.
5Your head crowns you like Carmel,
and your flowing locks are like purple;
a king is held captive in the tresses.

6How beautiful and pleasant you are,
O loved one, with all your delights!

The woman described here in Song of Songs, sounds like a curvy lady and not like an anorexic model… I find this inspirational.

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Speaking of inspiration, I had a random fitness goal to obtain abs by 30. Most of my male friends told me that they find muscular women unattractive yet I want to work out to be healthy and I also need to be fit for my job. Working out, simply makes me happy. I think that, some men may feel insecure when they see a women that has more muscles then themselves since men who are muscular are equated with being sexy and men are expected to me the stronger sex. I believe that both men and women struggle with unrealistic expectations and they should simply embrace who they are and pursue what makes them happy. I don’t believe in gender roles or the perfect look. I am willing to be supportive of anyone’s dreams no matter how silly they may seem, as long as they are healthy and happy.

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However, sacrifices must be made if you want to succeed, working out takes effort, art takes time, school requires studying, traveling requires money, homes require savings and everything boils down to hard work. If you want your body to look like art or if you want to make amazing art or if you want to be able afford to buy fabulous art, you must be willing to work for it. Moreover, I was never super rich, skinny, smart or successful. I worked hard in the summer time and I paid for my tuition. I came to terms with the fact that I will never look like a model and I learned to embrace my body.  I abandoned my childhood dreams of becoming a Vet due to my lack of math skills but I found a career that I loved. I have 3 jobs right now, yet I am thankful that I can pay the bills and welcome people to my home. I am learning to see beauty in sacrifice as a Christian, since death to self leads to eternal bliss. Relationship also require that we die to self in order for the relationship to succeed. I need to sacrifice my time for God so that I can grow closer to him. The same applies to my family and friends. Having friends, around the globe and across the country is challenging yet heartwarming.

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As my 29th birthday approaches, I realize that I do not have everything together but I am glad that life is a journey where we are continually learning and I welcome that; since I embrace the person that I am going to become.

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As adults, I find that we often forget to pause and be thankful and marvel at life. I think this kid has things right:

According to Logan Laplante, the acclaimed 13 year old hackschooler, TED talk speaker; the science of health and happiness comes down to practicing 8 things:

1. Exercise 2. Relationships 3. Diet and nutrition 4. Recreation 5. Time in Nature

6. Relaxation and stress management 7. Contribution and Service 8. Religious and Spiritual

I used to look down upon stay at home mothers as a feminist but now, I find that they are truly blessed. I wish that I had the time and money to pursue my hobbies, cook elaborate meals, clean my home, volunteer and spend time in nature with little muntchins. However, I am glad that I do have more time for friendship and I have time to relax unlike most mothers. I am glad that I am able to work out and go to church regularly even though work is sometimes crazy. My blog is called train pray love since God, Working out Relationships are what help me keep things together and make me THRIVE. I wish that, I had more time to write and go outside and this 13 year old vlogger reminded me to turn off the TV after a rough day and pursue those things that make me Happy.

This adorable kids choir beautifully illustrates the sentiment behind Pharelle Williams song, Happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8bhfu1KnKjM

Youtube Video: Happy by Edward Boon

PS This heartfelt song (Where is the Love) by the same choir is about a topic that I hope to write about later:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWlYig4UsbI

Youtube video:  Detroit Academy Choir at Wayne State’s MLK Tribute by Wayne State University

🙂

The Missing Puzzle Piece

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Faith should be about what you do & not about what you don’t do! It’s not about not having sex its about staying married, it’s not about not getting wasted it’s about being a responsible parent, partner and friend, it’s not about not swearing it’s about treating people with respect, and it’s not about sitting in church it’s about helping others…

Instead of focusing on what I should stop I need to focus on what I need to do. What am I not doing that is causing my issues? Sleep, healthy food, exercise and prayer have been lacking in my life since I let a man fill the empty space in my heart instead of God which is not healthy at all. I need to let God fill me up.

It was easier for me to run to God when the men in my life rejected to me or ignored me but it is easy to be distracted by a guy who is loyal and pays attention to me since this is the first time I dated a man and not a boy and this is the first time that I was willing to give my guy my whole heart. The problem is that I am a very emotional and sexual person and that can be a source of distraction to my faith if I am filling myself with garbage such as junk food and sitcoms instead of using exercise to relive my stress and prayer to keep me centered.

I need to get out of fantasy land and make a life for myself one step at a time. I need to work on my work life balance and ask God for support amongst the craziness of life and seek God for wisdom in terms of relationships. So ya, that is my current struggle. My future is uncertain in terms of work and I am a Christian yet my boyfriend is unsaved and the uncertainly about the future is stressfull yet I am in charge of my own destiny and I am not helpless since I have a great God.

10261977_10152350421495040_472547804964414153_nChanges comes from within.. If I dont like how I live my life I need to go to the root of the problem the heart…

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”
― Mahatma Gandhi

What are the habits that I value & what needs to change?